We live in a world that is constantly trying to tell us who we should be. Be successful, but don’t brag about it. Be confident, but not too confident. Look younger, stay thinner, keep up, do more. Be independent, but make sure everyone else can still depend on you.It can be exhausting. For women, those messages don’t disappear as we get older. They simply change. At one point, culture may have told you that your value was tied to how you looked, what you accomplished, how well you raised your children, or how much you could juggle without dropping anything. Then the children grow up. Careers change or end. Bodies change. Relationships change. The face looking back from the mirror changes, and suddenly you may find yourself asking: Who am I now? Apparently, I’ve been a few people.
I thought about all the ways I could describe myself based on the different parts of my life. I’ve been a daughter, sister, mom, caregiver, employee, support worker and now a retired woman who somehow became a life coach, blogger and devotional writer. I moved, no longer worked and my daughter no longer lived at home. It took me a long time to figure out who I was when I was no longer working and my daughter was fully independent and no longer needed me for day to day issues. I had built my entire identity around those roles, and most of them had changed. That’s the problem with allowing what we do, to become who we are.
Culture is very good at handing out measuring sticks. We compare our bodies, homes, relationships, accomplishments, energy levels and even our retirement years with what we see around us. Social media certainly hasn’t made that any easier. Someone else is travelling more. Someone else looks younger. Someone else seems healthier, happier or more put together. Before long, we’re measuring our worth against somebody else’s highlight reel. There’s a problem with allowing culture to define us: The standard keeps moving. There will always be another achievement to reach, another improvement to make or another version of ourselves we think we should become. God offers something very different.
God starts with who you already are. Ephesians 2:10 tells us: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works.” Notice where the verse begins. Not with what you accomplish. Not with how productive you are. Not with your age, appearance, health or résumé. It begins with whose you are. You are God’s handiwork. Your identity isn’t something you have to earn. And it doesn’t disappear when a role changes or life looks different than it once did. That doesn’t mean we stop growing. Quite the opposite. When we know our worth isn’t on the line every time we make a mistake, growth becomes less about proving ourselves and more about becoming the woman God created us to be. He created tasks designed for us. Made, based upon our talents and skills. Think of it as having a position at work, that the company designed with you and your skill set in mind.
Sometimes culture’s messages have been with us for so long that they begin to sound like our own voice. I’m too old to start that. I’ve never been disciplined. My best years are behind me. I’m not enough. But before accepting those statements as truth, ask: Who told me that? Is it actually true? More importantly, does it agree with what God says about me? You may have made mistakes, but mistake is not your identity. You may struggle with fear, but fearful doesn’t have to become your name. Your body may have limitations, but those limitations do not determine your value. Your life may look completely different today, but God has not suddenly run out of purpose for you.
Culture will continue offering opinions about who you should be. You don’t have to accept every one of them. Begin noticing the labels and expectations you’ve been carrying and hold them up against what God says is true. You are loved. You are His workmanship. You are still growing. You still have purpose. You are not too old, too late, too flawed or too far behind to become the woman God is still shaping you to be. Culture may have plenty to say about who you are. But it doesn’t get the final word. God does.
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