Insights for faith, healing, and purpose

Have you ever been in a conversation where someone is telling you a story, and halfway through, you’ve already figured out what you’re going to say? Perhaps you’ve got a brilliant piece of advice, a similar experience to share, or a solution that seems so obvious you’re practically bursting to offer it, meanwhile, the other person is still talking. Sound familiar? 😄 Most of us have been guilty of this at one time or another. We hear the words, but somewhere along the way, we’ve stopped listening and started preparing our response. We usually do it with the best intentions. We want to help, encourage, relate, or contribute something meaningful, however, good intentions don’t always make someone feel heard.

There’s something wonderful about being comfortable, isn’t there? Your favourite chair, a good cup of coffee, a cozy blanket, and absolutely no reason to change out of your comfy clothes. At this stage of life, we’ve earned a little comfort! The trouble begins when our comfort zone becomes so cozy that we forget there’s a whole world beyond the recliner. What if the very thing making you feel safe is also keeping you stuck?

Have you ever had one of those afternoons when suddenly everything is annoying? You’re tired. Your head feels a little fuzzy. You can’t concentrate. Someone asks you a perfectly reasonable question and your internal response is, Why is everyone so needy today? You start wondering whether you need a nap, a vacation, a personality transplant, or possibly to move to a cabin in the woods where nobody knows your name. Then you realize you’ve had three cups of coffee and approximately four sips of water all day. Oops.  Sometimes the problem isn’t nearly as complicated as we think. Sometimes we just need water.

Have you ever had one negative thought show up and suddenly discover it brought the whole family? One minute you’re going about your day, and the next your brain is offering helpful little observations like: I’m never going to get this right. I always mess this up. What if something goes wrong? Everyone else seems to have it together. Welcome to the world of ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts.

For years, many of us treated our bodies a little like an appliance. We expected them to work.  Preferably without making strange noises, requiring much maintenance, or interrupting our plans. When something hurt, felt tired, got stiff, gained weight, lost strength, or generally refused to cooperate? Excuse me. We have things to do. 😂  Somewhere along the way, I’ve learned that caring for my health isn’t about forcing my body into submission. It’s about learning to work with the body God gave me. Apparently, my body would like a vote.

We live in a world that is constantly trying to tell us who we should be. Be successful, but don’t brag about it. Be confident, but not too confident. Look younger, stay thinner, keep up, do more. Be independent, but make sure everyone else can still depend on you.It can be exhausting. For women, those messages don’t disappear as we get older. They simply change. At one point, culture may have told you that your value was tied to how you looked, what you accomplished, how well you raised your children, or how much you could juggle without dropping anything. Then the children grow up. Careers change or end. Bodies change. Relationships change. The face looking back from the mirror changes, and suddenly you may find yourself asking: Who am I now? Apparently, I’ve been a few people.

When something hurts, our brain naturally wants to know why. Is something wrong? Did I damage something? Is this getting worse? Should I stop moving? What if this never goes away? Before long, the pain itself may not be the only thing we’re dealing with. We’re also carrying fear, frustration, worry, muscle tension, poor sleep, and a nervous system that has become increasingly alert to every sensation. And sometimes, pain gets the microphone.

Have you ever looked at someone else’s life and thought, If I had what she has, I’d be happier?  Maybe it’s her home. Her relationship. Her health. Her confidence. Her financial situation. Her ability to seemingly have her entire life together while you’re standing in the kitchen drinking reheated coffee and wondering why you walked into the room. Again. It’s easy to believe that if our circumstances changed, then we would feel differently. And sometimes circumstances absolutely do need to change. Mindset isn’t about pretending difficult situations are wonderful or convincing ourselves that legitimate problems don’t exist. But sometimes we don’t need an entirely different life. We need a different lens through which to see the one we already have.

Have you ever decided that this time you’re really going to do it?  You’re going to drink more water. Walk every day. Read your Bible every morning. Stop scrolling on your phone when you should be sleeping. Eat better. Get organized. 

Have you ever had absolutely nothing going wrong at a particular moment…and still managed to stress yourself out? I have. 😝  All it takes is one thought. What if this doesn’t work? Then another one joins it. What if I mess it up? And apparently those two thoughts invite friends because suddenly we’re mentally solving problems that haven’t happened, defending ourselves in conversations that haven’t taken place, and preparing for catastrophes that may never arrive.

Imagine your best friend sitting across from you over a cup of coffee. She looks exhausted. She tells you she made a mistake at work, forgot an appointment, snapped at someone she loves, or gave up on a goal she was trying so hard to achieve. Would your first response be:  “You’re hopeless.” “You’ll never change.” “You always mess everything up.” “Why do you even bother trying?”

We all have one. That drawer in the kitchen. You know the one. The one that’s almost impossible to open because it’s packed so full. Old batteries. Rubber bands. Coupons that expired sometime during the last ice age. Takeout menus from restaurants that closed years ago. A handful of loose screws. Bills you meant to deal with. Five pens that don’t work. And that mysterious key you’re absolutely convinced belongs to something important…even though you have no idea what. Every once in a while, the drawer refuses to close. So what do we do? We push everything down with one hand, lean on it with our shoulder, shove it shut and proudly announce, “There. Fixed it.” Until next time.

Before we learned the weight of bills, deadlines, and responsibilities, laughter came so naturally it didn’t even feel like something we had to “make time for.” It just happened. We laughed until our stomachs hurt. We pulled silly faces in mirrors, danced barefoot in the kitchen like it was a stage, and didn’t think twice about looking a little ridiculous. In those moments, joy wasn’t something we scheduled or earned.  it was simply how we lived. Then somewhere along the way, life got louder.

In a world that celebrates independence, productivity, and keeping busy, it’s easy to convince ourselves that relationships can wait. We tell ourselves we’ll call next week, schedule coffee another time, or visit family when life slows down. But life rarely slows down on its own.  One more meeting, one more task and I’ll have the time to relax, but the sad part is that it never seems to happen. Without placing a time in my calendar for connecting, everything else fills in the time. The truth is, our hearts were created for connection. 

If you’ve ever tried to change a habit, you’ve probably experienced the frustration that comes with it. You start off motivated. You make a plan. You tell yourself, “This time I’m really going to stick with it.”Then life happens. You miss a workout. You eat the cookie. You lose your patience. You scroll social media longer than you intended. Suddenly, that little voice in your head starts talking. “There you go again.” “You’ll never change.” “Everyone else seems to have it figured out.”

Habits are fascinating things. The more we repeat a behaviour, the stronger that pathway becomes in our brain. It’s a bit like walking through a field. The first time you walk across it, you have to push through tall grass. But if you take the same route every day, eventually you create a well-worn path that’s easy to follow. Our habits work much the same way. 

Habits are far more complex than they first appear… which is both comforting and mildly frustrating when you’re trying to change them. Have you ever driven home from work and suddenly realized you don’t actually remember the trip? It’s a slightly unsettling moment like, “Did I just teleport?” But no, it’s your brain doing what it does best: running on autopilot. When something is repeated enough times, the brain files it away as a pattern and conserves energy by just… doing it for you. Unless something unusual happens, like a brake light suddenly flashing or a horn blaring, your attention stays blissfully elsewhere. Efficient? Yes. Slightly scary? Also yes. Habits work in a very similar way.

What’s the Difference?

I’m a 60-year-old mom to one amazing grown daughter, and someone who has spent most of my life caring for others. I worked as a Developmental Services Worker for over 20 years before eventually moving into tech support call centres, partly because life decided to hand me a few mobility challenges along the way. Shortly after high school, I developed foot drop from what appears to have been a bacterial infection. Over the years, my symptoms slowly progressed, and by 2016 I was using a walker to safely get to and from work. Life looked a little different than I expected, and let’s just say it definitely taught me patience, resilience, and how to laugh when things don’t go according to plan. 😝 In early 2023, I stepped away from work and moved to Northern Ontario to live with my sister. My daughter stayed in Southern Ontario, building a life she loves, while I found myself entering a completely new season of life, one that I definitely did not feel prepared for.