Habits are far more complex than they first appear… which is both comforting and mildly frustrating when you’re trying to change them.
Have you ever driven home from work and suddenly realized you don’t actually remember the trip? It’s a slightly unsettling moment like, “Did I just teleport?” But no, it’s your brain doing what it does best: running on autopilot. When something is repeated enough times, the brain files it away as a pattern and conserves energy by just… doing it for you.
Unless something unusual happens, like a brake light suddenly flashing or a horn blaring, your attention stays blissfully elsewhere. Efficient? Yes. Slightly scary? Also yes.
Habits work in a very similar way.
Take my morning routine. Every day, I go to the bathroom and then head straight for coffee. I don’t forget it for two very scientific reasons: I need the caffeine, and my brain has basically signed a long-term contract with the coffee machine at this point.
So the real question becomes: how do we use one very loyal habit to build another one that’s not quite so automatic yet?
One of my favourite approaches is James Clear’s idea of habit stacking. This is basically “attach the new thing to the thing you already do without thinking.” So in my case, before I have my coffee, I could drink a bottle of water. The coffee becomes the reward, and the water becomes the “responsible adult decision” I’m gently slipping in before the good part.
I can also use it the other way around. While I’m having my coffee, I could do my devotion; pairing something nourishing for my spirit with something I already treat like a sacred morning ritual. (Let’s be honest, some mornings the coffee is the devotion.)
Then there’s Mel Robbins, who suggests reinforcing a new behaviour with a quick reward; ideally within two minutes. I’ll admit, my stair-stepping habit has not exactly been winning awards. It’s more of a “we’re still in negotiations” situation. But since hearing her advice, I’ve started keeping a stash of peanut butter M&M’s. One M&M after each stair session. Is it sophisticated? No. Does my brain understand it? Absolutely.
And honestly, that’s the point.
These small strategies might seem simple, even a bit silly, but that’s exactly how lasting change is built: one repeated decision, one tiny reward, and one very patient brain at a time.
Next week, I’ll build on this and explore how affirmations and our identity in Christ can strengthen habit formation even further.